Don't look at me like that, 'Dusie'....
It feels like my soul has abandoned all hope, and caved in. And I can't stop the tears.
Sometimes I just have to be alone, sometimes I just need to be weak and small and stupid. The darkness soothes and amplifies my aching heart. I just want to be weak..'cause I know who I am. And I like that person. Despite the fact that I'm not strong, smart, creative, articulate, tough or a good judge of character.
I know who I am. I know my name; I'm small and I AM HUMBLE. Always have, always will be. Knowing that I'll never be anything but small and humble, is a ruthless, heartless fact, which I fully embrace. I have accepted that which the world hasn't; I am not angry.
I have no anger to speak of. I haven't got the strength to scream back when yelled at, because my and anger and tearcanals are eternaly deadlocked.
I KNOW THIS
I KNOW WHO I AM.
And that's why I weep. Because I know I can't change. I can't be anyone else, and the mere trying, isn't good enough for me. I'll never be who I wanted to be when I was younger. My childhood is wilting away. My personality is starting to feel Medusa's curse; I am turning into stone, my too-soft heart notwithstanding.
But sometimes it's good to cry. It's good to know that my heart will never be stonecold, regardless the state of my flesh.
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